True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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