then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
