I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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