Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
