I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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