my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
