i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
