It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
