im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
