google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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