'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
