my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
