Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
