Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This baby is an asshole
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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