So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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