i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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