Sry I called you an 8
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
