hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize