I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
