i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
