im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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