some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
