I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
