after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
