1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
