I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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