Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
