morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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