Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
