im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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