Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
