Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
