respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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