Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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