Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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