My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
