around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
