You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
