A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
