dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
