youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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