were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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