First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
