This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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