i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
