you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
