I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He passed out mid-signature
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
