My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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