I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
