3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
