After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
