Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
