Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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