i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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