We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
