She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
