Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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