what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
