just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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