Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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