I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
