You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't make out with my wife yet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
