I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
