so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
