He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
