this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
