I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
