shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
