he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is classic penis vs brain.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
