Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
