i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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