i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
